Privacy and Cookies Policy

Your privacy is very important to me. Accordingly, I have developed this Policy in order for you to understand how I collect, use, communicate and disclose and make use of personal information. The following outlines our privacy policy.

1. Before or at the time of collecting personal information, I will identify the purposes for which information is being collected. I don't actual collect any personal information, but if I did, I will tell you why I'm collecting it.

2. I will collect and use personal information solely with the objective of fulfilling those purposes specified by me and for other compatible purposes, unless I obtain the consent of the individual concerned or as required by law. Well, to be honest, I don't collect and use personal information at all.

3. I will only retain personal information as long as necessary for the fulfillment of those purposes.

4. I will collect personal information by lawful and fair means and, where appropriate, with the knowledge or consent of the individual concerned. I'm not going to ask you for your name or email address without you knowing about it first, because you've got to type it in on a form first. I think that would cover the fact that you know I'm going to find out whatever it is you are typing in the form. Unless the form doesn't do anything that is. And there are no forms like that on the site anyway, so it's all a bit Depeche Mode. Sorry, I meant Mute.

5. Personal data should be relevant to the purposes for which it is to be used, and, to the extent necessary for those purposes, should be accurate, complete, and up-to-date. So if I ask you for your email address or telephone number (which I'm highly unlike to do, but just incase I did) don't give me an old email address that you haven't used for a couple of years, or the number of your old mobile that you had years ago when the displays were green with black writing and sending pictures or even taking pictures was limited to your camera.

6. I will protect personal information by reasonable security safeguards against loss or theft, as well as unauthorized access, disclosure, copying, use or modification. I will fight tooth and nail to protect your personal information, which I don't collect in the first place.

7. I will make readily available to visitors information about this policy and practices relating to the management of personal information. I don't actually take any personal information, but I will tell you how I manage this non existing data if you ask nicely.

8. I am committed to conducting business in accordance with these principles in order to ensure that the confidentiality of personal information is protected and maintained.

9. As for cookies, I have them on an occasion, but I wouldn't say that I use them alot. Mind you, if you put a plate of chocolate chip ones down in front of me I would not say no to a couple.

Oh, whilst I have your attention, do you like the picture at the top of the page? It's different to the one on the Terms of Use page and the main page of this site, but I like it. I could also draw your gaze to the one under the menu on the side. Unless you are looking at this site on a tablet or mobile device. Despite them being the 'in thing' you just don't have the same amount of room on a web page. So on these mobile devices the side bar menu doesn't appear. The menu at the top is still there, and on a tablet when you turn it length wise (or 'portrait' as the technical term has it) it changes but it still has all the links, but I couldn't find a way of showing the pictures. Instead, I have created a page just for these images, so aren't you the lucky one? Anyway, well done for reading all of this.