During Religious Studies, four of us sat in the front row of the classroom (well, the wooden shack like classroom which was opposite the music room). We didn't really pay much attnetion during class, but our teacher, Mr. Davy, didn't seem to notice. So during one boring lesson, Laurence Fenn, Chris Hawes, John Bolter and Scot Gardner decided to write a story. Each of us would write a paragraph or so, then pass it on to the next person to continue the story. Scot and I doodled the picture you see, which I have called the cover, although it bears no relation to the story. I found the original and scanned it :
To save you trying to decipher our bad hand writing, and apart from the odd corrected spelling mistake, the text below is as close as to the original..
One day, while Mr Davy was walking his dog in the park, it began to rain.
"Oh, lack a day", he said, covering his head with the dog to stop the rain.
"What a peacher!" he said, as the dog farted in his face.
Then the dog had a sudden attack of diarrhoea.
"My God! I've heard of pollution in the atmosphere but this is ridiculous!"
The dog then gave a sigh of relief and went to sleep. By now a crowd had noticed him and were shouting:
"See the sleeping, farting dog." and a rather enterprising young few had put up a tent around him and was charging 50p entrance. Meanwhile Mr Davy, who was feeling he had just been sick upwards, had sat down.
"To get this s**t out of my hair I will have to use Head and Shoulders."
Meanwhile, down at the doctor, Florence was waiting thoughtfully for her doctor. She felt her stomach and thought that perhaps she should have taken precautions. Zebedee had got pissed a bit much and had gone a bit far last night. Suddenly, Dillon entered, telling everyone of their KGB agent with Mr Davy.
"The microfilm is in his hair, put their by the s**t method, very good."
What was Mr Davy to do? Suddenly, his brain exploded. He soon put it back together though, peas don't break easily. Then in a flash of inspiration he did something. He pulled from his breast pocket the old faithful Walter PPK .47 and with the smooth calculation action blew Florence away.
"Well done!" said Dillon, who had broken the KGB man's neck with a quick blood curdling neck twist, revealing him to be the CIA's double agent.
"We've had our men on to her for a week."
James Davy put Walter away and told him not to blow smoke.
At this moment a flasher entered the room and Mr Davy dived on top of him so as not to let the women in the room see what he had to offer. In the struggle a gun went off and the flasher cried out in pain.
"You bastard! I'll never be able to do it again."
Mr Davy now had a smile on his face and said:
"It is God's work, you will do no more evil."
After this, Mr Davy had casually walked down to the newsagent.
"Any decent porno books?" he asked.
"Yes." came the reply from within. He stepped inside and the lights suddenly went out. He could hear someone walking towards him. It grabbed him by his mother's pride and joy and gave it a good yank. Mr Davy screeched and pulled out his old faithful Walter PPK .47 and manoeuvred it into position.
"Hold it! It's Dillon, flying squad. Drop that weapon!"
The police had found him. He was escorted down to the yard where he met Florence and the KGB dog. It was then that we contacted the electricity board and they said:
"I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with us, but you might try the gas board."
There was a screech of wheels, a scream of sirens and a team of highly trained, armed to the teeth, gas service engineers arrived and dug up the living room floor.
"Now hold on a minute!" said Dillon, now rapidly descending thorough the earth's crust. So they did and Dillon enjoyed it.
We then rang the electricity board, telling them what had happened, and we got the rather confused reply:
"I'm sorry this really has got nothing to do with us. Cyrrrrrill..."
Back at school, where we've never been before, Mavis Cruet and Arthur were discussing Einstein's theory of relativity.
"I think he got it out of a book," said Arthur, picking his nose. But Mavis disagreed and decided to feed Arthur to a cat.
"Oh Arthur!" she said, as his brain and body was munched to a pulp. Suddenly Zebedee entered as Super Spring, and bounced straight into the roundabout.
"What the sh** did you do that for?" said Dougal.
"It's this spring. It was fitted the wrong way round so every time I bounce it crushes my nuts which doesn't do my left hand sprocket indicator light switch relay any good. So I go heading straight into the nearest solid abject. How else do you think my heads this bloody shape and colour?"
"Oh sod it" said Mavis, "Evil Edna's been cursed by one of her friends and has turned into a lesbian. Stop it! Get Off!"
Mavis ran off with Evil Edna following, slobbering.
Suddenly, Mr Davy appeared on the scene and came to the rescue of Mavis Cruet. He vaporised Evil Edna with his super dupa vapo gun and beamed Mavis up to his spaceship, the Stella B Cruiser. Space Attack, Shabadoo and Spook, the Stella crew, greeted Mavis and the ship zoomed off into hyperspace, finally landing on the planet Alzarius. Here they all sat down for tea. But old Dave Blaze was on their tail in his B Wing fighter (he had been in a crash earlier that week).